Disclaimer- I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes- Okay, this story is sort of strange. It's a Buffy and Angel story told through the eyes of their daughter, but it is angsty. I don't know what inspired me to write this, but I just couldn't get the idea out of my head so I finally wrote it down. I hope you like it. Oh, and I don't know if Buffy's blood type was ever mentioned on the show, I don't think it was, but if so, I took creative liberties. That's all, enjoy.
Feedback- Please! Send feedback but no flames.
Distribution- Buffy's Passion, Daydreams of BtVS, and anyone else who has any of my stories archived at their site has permission, everyone else just ask me first. I'll almost always say yes.
Rating- PG-13
Classification- Buffy/Angel, original character, mild Buffy/Riley, reflective, angst.
Spoilers- Season five of Buffy.

Growing up, I didn't know my mother that well. She was the beautiful, elusive almost ethereal creature who came once and awhile and stayed for a few days, then disappeared again.

When I was really small, I used to imagine that she was an angel or a fairy and that she could only stay in this world for so long before she had to return to where she came from, and that that was why she left.

As I got older, I stopped believing that, and I start being resentful of the fact she was never there. Most of my friends had real mothers who were always there for them and I was stuck with her.

It wasn't until I got older that I learnt the story of my mother and why she was the way she was. I didn't find out until my seventeenth birthday.

She had passed away the year before, she had turned forty that year, but she didn't look it. Even at the end, she was still beautiful and youthful.

Dad was devastated, even though they hadn't been together in years, I knew he still loved her. That he'd always love her, despite everything that had happened. Even though I didn't know it all at the time, back then I didn't truly understand the true story behind my parents' relationship.

My sisters, one older and one younger, were both upset too, they adored Mom. They never even seemed to mind that she only came to visit in a while and that she had never really been there for us.

But, I wasn't sure how I felt when Mom died. I was in shock, it didn't seem possible that she was gone. But she was. She had left us again, but this time she would never be coming back.

The year passed slowly, all of us dealing with the news in our separate ways. But it took us a long time to recover and we spent the year in distant, silent grief as we dealt with our loss.

Then, came my birthday. I remember that morning so clearly, when I woke up Dad was waiting for me with a letter in his hands.

"Your mother wanted you to have this." Was all he said, before he handed it to me.

I took it and went into my bedroom, it was then that I learnt the story of the woman who had been my mother in her own words.

Dearest Chloe,

You are only seven at the time I'm writing this, it'll be a decade before you read it, and already I can tell that you will be the most spirited of my daughters.

You're the one that reminds me the most of me, that is why I'm writing you this. Of the three of yous, I believe it will be you who will understand my story the best.

I owe it to you to explain everything, to tell you why I have been such a distant parent. It's not that I don't love you, I love all three of yous with all my heart, but there are circumstances that keep me away from you and I'll tell you about them now.

There is another reason I chose you instead of one of your sisters to write this too, because this story concerns you more than it concerns them, you'll understand what I mean as I go on.

You already know that vampires exist, any daughter of mine would have to, and you know that I was the slayer, but there's still a lot you don't know. You know the basics, about how I came to Sunnydale, about my friends, the 'Scooby Gang', how I met your father, and about how some of the evil I defeated. But you don't the most important part of my story, which I'll tell you now, I only pray you don't hate me for it.

It's the story of me and a vampire named Angel... He was no ordinary vampire, a hundred years before I met him he had been cursed with a human soul, so that he would suffer with guilt for all the evil he had committed.

For a hundred years he repented for his sins and suffered, then we met. I was sixteen and had just come to Sunnydale. At first, he stayed in the shadows, warning me on occasion and then disappearing. I found him annoying, but then... I began to fall for the irritating cryptic guy.

One night one thing led to another and we kissed, that's when I learnt what he was. I was horrified, until he explained about the curse and I understood that he was different. But still, we both knew we couldn't be together so we kissed goodbye and walked away from one another. It didn't stay like that, though.

You know about the Master, and how I died, well after that, things changed. I went I away for summer vacation and when I came back I was a real bitch. Especially to him. But he was patient. He even held me when I finally cried.

That's when we went through the are-we-or-aren't-we faze. In the end we were. We started dating. It was nice for a while, but... Then things got too out of control. I learnt a lot about his past, I even met the woman he considered his greatest mistake. A vampire he had brought across and made insane.

Even after I met her, I still loved him. Things were great then, we were madly in love and one night, we made love. That night was the best and worst of my entire life. It was perfect bliss, but then...

He lost his soul that night. The gypsies had included a clause that said if he ever experience a single moment of true happiness he would lose his soul. And he did.

That night changed everything, obviously. The evil vampire he once was back with a vengeance. He made my life a living Hell for the next few months. He stalked me, killed people I cared about, left me little trinkets to drive me crazy. He was a monster in the body of the man I loved and I didn't know how to deal. I loved Angel so much and losing him tore me apart, I didn't know how to cope.

But eventually I began to put myself back together, I realised that he was no longer the man I loved. And I was finally able to kill him, but then... A translation of the curse was found, I could have him back. Of course I leaped at the chance, I still loved him.

But it was too late, he had already summoned a demon that would bring us all to Hell. The only way to stop the demon was to send Angel to Hell. I did it, I had to. I told him I loved him, kissed him one last time, told him to close his eyes, and then sent the man I loved to Hell. But it was too much for me, I couldn't stay in Sunnydale any longer, there were too many memories.

But eventually I came back and so did Angel. First we tried to be friends, but it wasn't possible. How can you be just friends with someone you loved deeply? Then, we avoided one another, but that didn't work either and we ended up back together.

For a while... It worked out. We knew things could never go back to the way we were, but we were happy with things being the way they were. For a while.

But then he realised it wouldn't work. He told me that he couldn't hold me back. That I deserved a real relationship with someone who could take me out in the light. So he left me.

After that, I began to move on. I met your father and Angel and I realised that it was over. That we weren't supposed to be together. You know most of what happened after your father and I met, but you don't know all of it.

After Riley and I married and we had Natalie, Angel came back into my life. It was by accident, a big evil came and we needed to work together, we did and we banished, but...

Riley was out of town then, he had taken Nat back to Iowa to see his parents where it would be safe, at my insistence, and one thing led to another with Angel. We spent the night together. By then, his soul was permanent, but it didn't change things.

I was sick with guilt for betraying Riley, so I decided never to tell him what happened. Angel understood that it was one time thing, that it had happened because of a lot of old memories and that it didn't mean anything. He left me a life again and I went back to Riley.

Then I found out I was pregnant, I was convinced it was Riley's, after all Angel couldn't have children, so I forgot all about my night with Angel. Then you were born.

Chloe, I knew the first time I held you in my arms, that you weren't Riley's. You had Angel's eyes. I didn't know how it happened, but I knew it was true.

I didn't tell Riley, I couldn't. So, I let him believe that you were his, while I knew you weren't. As you grew up, I saw Angel in you and I think I loved you more because of it. As much as I loved Riley, and I did, Angel was a part of me. But, I was determined to stay true to Riley and then I got pregnant with Lily.

That's when things changed. I began to hurt all the time and grow weaker and weaker. It took a while for Giles to find out why and when he did, everything changed.

Years before I had let Angel feed from me to save my life and apparently that began a bond, a bond that was weak and unnoticeable until your conception. When Angel and I made love again, and created a child, the bond became stronger, and then when you were born...

I didn't know it until then, but Angel visited me the night you were born and the bond became unbreakable.

You see, I had a tough delivery with you, the toughest I ever had, and I needed blood, badly. I'm type O, so getting blood transfusions is never easy. No one else was a match Mom and Dawn were out of the county and there was no way they could be back in time, I hadn't even heard from Dad in years , and they tested Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya, and Riley, but none of them were O type. You were though, but you were in as bad as shape as me, besides there was no way they could take blood from a newborn.

Then, while I slept and they worried about whether I would survive, Angel visited me and gave me blood. He saved my life, but he also made it impossible for me to be with anyone other than him.

You see, my sharing my blood with him began the bond, but his sharing blood with me sealed it forever. I felt slightly weak when I was with Riley after that and a dull pain when we were intimate, but when I carried Lily it got so much worse.

The bond objected to me carrying another man's child, so it rebelled and I suffered because of it. I had a difficult pregnancy and went into labour after only seven months. After Lily's birth, Giles informed me that unless I went to Angel I would die.

I knew I couldn't tell Riley the truth, it would have broken even more than what I told him, so I just told him that I couldn't take it, that I couldn't handle settling down and that I wanted out. He just stared at me for a long time and finally asked if Angel was involved. I told him yes, that he was.

Then I told what was and wasn't a lie. I told him that I had never gotten over Angel, that he was the only one I would ever truly love, and that the relationship that I shared was him never should have happened. It was true that I loved Angel, that we were deeply connected, but the only thing I regretted about Riley was the end. I didn't want to lie, but it seemed kinder to end it this way, to make him hate me, than to tell him the truth.

He then clenched his jaw and told me to go and do what I pleased, but that if I even thought about taking you he would fight me every step of the way. I thought about telling him the truth then and realised that that would be fair to no one.

I realised that he could give you and your sisters a better life then Angel and I could, so I kissed you goodbye and left. I want you to know that never a day goes by where I don't think of my little girls and wish they could be with me, but I had no other choice. I did what I believed best at the time, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, I don't know.

I just know that you need to know. It' s up to you whether you share this letter with Riley and your sisters or if you keep it to yourself, I just needed you to know, to understand.

I also needed to tell you that despite everything that has happened, I love you, that I have always loved you, I will always love you. You are part of me, the best part. Well, I think that's it, after all these years you finally know the truth.

I only hope you don't hate me for it.

Love always,
Your mother

I put the letter down and began to cry. After all these years, I finally had answers, I finally understood my mother. And it was hard, it was hard learning her reasons and understanding them.

None of it seemed real. But, even though it took time to sink in, I was grateful that my mother had told me the truth. I finally began to see past my resentment and see the real woman my mother had been.

I also met my real father for the first and only time. He told me that he loved me and that he was proud of me and then, the morning, he watched the sunrise for the first time in over two hundreds years.

My father's death affected me much differently than my mothers, after all I had never known him, but I still felt sad. After all, this man impacted my life, he was my father.

But I was also glad that he was with her, that they were together. If I understood after reading my mother's words it was the strength of the love that created me. Maybe it was wrong, maybe they should never have been together, but their love was true and it never broke.

I will always love the man who raised me and think of him as my father, but I understand now why it didn't work between him and my mother. Even if I had not been born, I don't believe it would have lasted, because though they loved, they never shared the connection she shared with Angel.

Only now that I've found my soul mate do I understand the power of my mother and father's love, that nothing could defeat it. I even understand the obstacles they faced and what they must have felt, because like my mother, my one love is a vampire.

He's not cursed with a soul like my father was, but he's good all the same. A long time ago, he was implanted with a chip that left him unable to kill humans and he eventually began fighting by my mother's side.

My father, the one that raised me, freaked when I announced that we were in love, but I knew my mother would have understood. Because, it was loving Spike that helped me realise the extent of my parents love and truly forgive my mother and accept once and for all what she had done. After all, I have to admit, I'd probably do the same.

Because in the end, true love is stronger than anything else.

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